no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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