sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
