apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Mom said you looked used
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
