Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
