let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
