This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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