Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
