he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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