I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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