i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
