guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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