He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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