I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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