I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
