U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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