You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
