I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
