my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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