State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Are we still banned from the library?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
