In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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