i need an iv and a liver transplant
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
