yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
