I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize