dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
