I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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