I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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