and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
3pm strippers are depressing
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
