Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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