Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
