Got a toothbrush?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
