If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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