saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
