Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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