going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
