Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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