I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
