My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My ass is underappreciated
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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