If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
