I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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