I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
