I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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