You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
