she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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