mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
