His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
