You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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