The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
