Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
