I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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