I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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